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Aug. 23rd, 2010

as time goes by...

a lot has been going on lately in my life.
i'm trying to get a grip on some way to deal with ADD. i have learned to accept that i have it -matter of fact, knowing that it's not MY fault that i'm such a fuck-up has truly made a difference in my mood, as well as my day-to-day stuff. this website: flylady.net has also given me new hope that i can control my home. i have started to make "daily goals" instead of "to-do" lists - it's nice to be able to feel like i've accomplished something when i cross something off the list.
ryan and i have entered a new stage in our relationship. we discovered that for the last 4yrs we have been the victims of a serious misunderstanding. when we first got together..i think it was our first week...i told him one night that i needed physical affection to feel loved and acceptance, since it was something i rarely received growing up. he told me "i hate it when someone wants to hang all over me, it makes me want to push them away" which i immediately interperated, in my fragile state of mind, as "DO NOT TOUCH ME." so i didn't. and he assumed i didn't touch him because i didn't want to, as well as wanting to give me time to heal from my wounds from fuckface. for a few days he was hardly eating, not sleeping and barely saying a word to me. i decided to nut up and ask him what was wrong. he told me that he was feeling "neglected" and hurt because of my total lack of affection, but didn't want to bring it up on the occasion that i might flip. i understood. sometimes i'm super crazy and i freak about the most rediculous things. then i told him what was keeping me from doing it, and he said "so...this WHOLE time it's just been this MASSIVE misunderstanding?? how fucked up is that. we need to work on our communication." -- he was SO right. as a result, that's precisely what we've been doing. although i still have my issues with opening up about things, he has told me that i can do what i do best, and write it out for him to look at. this has worked WONDERS for us. we have been more talkative and affectionate in the last 2wks. than we have been for the lot of our relationship. i have been trying to be better at listening - after explaining to him about ADD (which i kept from him because i thought he would think i was being rediculous) and how difficult it can be for me to pay attention to things, and how easy it was for me to get offended by something because of my inability to comprehend intonation and body language, he has been much better about making sure i was "all there" for the duration of the talk. little things like asking me to repeat what he just said, or asking me if i understood what he said and if i tell him i did asking me to tell me what i thought he meant by it has made a BIG difference. i feel like we can talk again. it's still VERY difficult for me to bring up things - a lot of the time because when i try to transfer the information from brain to mouth, it gets mixed up and jumbled together with all my random thoughts and daydreaming and it makes me so mad i just shut up altogether. i have learned to use my .."jitters" is the only word i can think of right now to describe it.. i've learned to use it to help me pay attention to what's going on. it's not fool-proof, i still miss out on things more often than not. but it's made a difference, and that's what is important.
my next step is to get out there in reality and check out what's happening. i know i suck at communicating, and as a result my relationships across the board have suffered. i avoid calling people because i worry that i'll get too excited and ramblerambleramble and just confuse & amuse whomever happens to be listening. but i want to try to get away from that. i've completely alienated jenni because of that, and if it weren't for the fact that melissa has known me FOR.EV.ER., i wonder if she and i would still talk!
anyway, things they are a changin', and all seems well in my life for the first time in many years. here's to hope for the future!!

Jul. 22nd, 2010


i am SO mad right now. and, even better, when ryan comes home and i tell him what happens, he'll be pissed too. great. poor guy's already spent the last 14hrs between here and bay city. he had to work a double out there today. this is not cool.
so i went to make a payment on our TV that we rent from rent a center. i went in and there was a new guy at the counter, as well as the store manager. the guy was looking up our info, and said to the manager "so they have a bi-weekly account?" i chimed in and said "no, we have a weekly account and i'm 2 days late on the payment." so then the manager CUNT says change their payment day to saturday." i said "uhm, excuse me, but why are you changing my day?" (keep in mind that during all of this i never said "yes" or "okay" to anything) and she says "oh, well obviously tuesday isn't working for you guys, and you get paid on thursdays, don't you?" i didn't say anything, and the guy said "okay, your total is $53 something" and then i got REAL mad and said "i'm making a one week payment" and the CUNT said "well now your day is on saturday, so you're paying for this week and next week." i said "I ONLY HAVE $50, THAT IS ALL THE MONEY I HAVE." and the guy said "okay, well, your total is $53.." and I said again "I ONLY HAVE $50." and CUNT says "well we'll just have to put it in suspend until saturday" i said "why are you doing this, i'm only 2 days late!" and CUNT says "well, when you're 2 days late you need your day changed" i said "whatever, this is ALL the money I have." and she said "okay, well this is what you need to pay then" i was so ENRAGED at this point all i could do was bite my lip, for fear that i may actually open my mouth and say something (which is VERY unlikely for me) got the receipt and left. then i got home and called the customer support line. the woman says "so, she changed your date without your consent?" and i told her "yes, and this is NOT the first time we have had an issue with this particular store manager, a few weeks ago my husband had rented a PS3 there and they didn't give him all the parts. he called the next day when he realized it when he was on his way to work, and the guy on the phone told him that it could get taken care of on tuesday when they opened back up after the holiday. he went in on tuesday, and the store manager told him that he WAS going to pay for the last 4 days of rental, even though he couldn't use the product because it didn't have all the parts. he told her that he wasn't doing that, and she said "you don't tell US what to do, we tell YOU what to do" then some guy working in the back came out, with his fists up and in a fight ready stance, and started yelling at my husband. EVERY SINGLE TIME we go to make a payment and this manager is there, she is very rude to us."

i am SO fucking sick of it. if we hadn't put all this money into the fucking thing already (over a grand since last year) then i'd just break it and fucking throw it in front of the door while simultaneously giving them the finger. this woman is so bad that i avoid going into the building if i see her in there. i am sick of being treated this way, especially since their whole fucking mission is all about customer fucking service. you know what? i've worked in customer service before, and i NEVER would have spoken to ANYONE the way she talks to us. she told me last week that we "NEED" to put our money in their "drop box" - this drop box is a HOLE IN THE WINDOW. they expect you to put an envelope full of money in it, and believe that it's not going to slide under a piece of furniture or a disgruntled employee isn't going to fucking steal it. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! i wish, OH how i wish, we had the money to just buy a fucking TV and forget about this SHITTY place. DO NOT RENT FROM THEM. THEY'LL TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT, AND IF YOU'RE LATE ONE DAY ON YOUR PAYMENT THEY WILL CALL YOU, THE PLACE YOU WORK, YOUR PARENTS, YOUR GRANDPARENTS, AND ANY OTHER NUMBER THEY CAN FIND THAT IS ASSOCIATED IN SOME WAY TO YOU. THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE ARE RUDE, THE STORE MANAGER IS THE DEFINITION OF CUNT AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE DIDN'T GET FIRED FOR THE SHIT SHE PULLED ON US WITH THE PS3. go rent from aaron's on court street. or just try to save up the money and get it that way. this is fucking rediculous. it happened around 5pm and i am still frothing at the mouth over it, i don't even want to know how ryan's going to react. that was all the fucking extra money we had for the week. ALL of it. now we don't have any gas money and i couldn't get the few groceries we NEEDED. i called customer support TWICE, and bitched on facebook, and made a complaint on consumerreports.com...if you google rent a center complaints you would be AGAST at the amount of them, as well as how terrible some of these things are. i read one where the guys delivering furniture to someone knocked out their power line in the middle of winter, then denied it and then refused to pay for it, the woman eventually got her power company to get rent a center to pay for a hotel room for her and her family, only after her son got sick from the cold. this company is SO FUCKED UP. we can't even transfer to a different store, if you do that you have to start ALL over from scratch (which means all the money you put into something is basically fucking trashed and you have to pay all that money again)

i want to go beat the shit out of this woman. but i won't. i will, however, do everything in my power to get the CUNT fired.

Jul. 4th, 2010

what's up, livejournal?

how have you been? i'm doing pretty good. it's been a long time.
things are changing for me a lot lately. i'm trying to ... well, i guess the best way i can put it is that i'm trying to figure out who i am. i know a lot about me, and i know what i want for the most part, but i'm not sure how to put those things together to really solidify me as a person. i've been so negative about life for so long, it's hard to change the way i see things. but, now i'm 27 years old and as i look back, as much as i want to only see all the terrible things that have happened in my life, i keep telling myself to look at what i have now. my life isn't perfect, no one's ever is, and i know that all too well. but i have a home, and a job, and a vehicle. there's food in the kitchen. i have family and friends and good husband who loves me. not to mention all the fuzzy kitties. it's hard for me, to live in the present. on the first day of summer, i took out all my old high school journals and notebooks and some pictures and burned them. it felt really good. there's things in my past that still haunt me, and i need to learn to live in the present. the things that have happened have already happened. the people that hurt me already hurt me. it can't happen again. he can never hurt me again. he's no longer a part of my life. it's so hard to forgive, and even more difficult to forget...but i'm going to try. ryan and i want to start a family. i can't allow myself to do what my parents did to me and my siblings - what they still do to this day. i can't let the pain that i've been through be carried on the shoulders of my children and my husband. i need to learn how to stay here in reality when the shit hits the fan. i can't just detach like i'm so accustomed to doing. detaching from reality when you have a child to take care of is so negligent. i don't want my kids to feel the guilt my parents made me feel. i don't want them to have to watch me slowly become more and more sad, more and more detached, and more and more hopeless. i can't do that. and the only way i can think of to change the way my life is, is to actually focus on here and now. the only problem there is how difficult it can be for me to focus or stay on track. i always start out optimistic, then i lose interest and the project goes unfinished and the chores get half way done and i'm still here unable to talk to someone when i need to. when i realized the other day, just how incredibly far i've pushed away my friends, it was a bit startling to say the least. i never really wanted it to be that way. i allowed myself to tell myself that it was okay not to call them or at least send them a message, that they were busy with their own lives and that i would just be a bother to them. that's not true at all. jenni's moved out of the county again, and she told me about it, and when she would be leaving, and asked me why i never call her. i didn't have anything to say. i have no excuse. i think about her all the time, almost daily. jenni saved my life once, and now we barely ever talk. that's all on me. i don't like that i've been detached for so long - and that's what it is. i have been so far removed from reality for what seems like years now. every time something happens, i revert inside myself, into the dark places in my head where i can spend time criticizing my faults and hating everything about myself. i've been hidden in the place where i've created like my own little prison, and i sit in the cell and mull over all those things that hurt me, and i hold them close and let them make me feel so small and insignificant. but i need desperately to quit that habit. i want a better life for me and my husband. i want to know that my problems aren't causing problems across the board in all of my relationships. i've spent a lot of time around my mom lately. it's like she's lost hope. she's worse and worse every time i see her. she is completely shrouded in negative energy. she won't even allow herself to enjoy what life has given her - she's too obsessed with what it's taken away from her. she's nearly 60 years old, and though i thought she could never be more sad than she was when we were kids, she really is. i do not want to become that. i don't want my kids to resent me because i've pushed all of my guilt and anxiety and pain onto their shoulders. i don't want to lose hope. all i have is this on life, and i don't want to spend the rest of it wishing i could live it. i don't want to make my husband hate me because i can't talk to him about things that upset me until he says some minor thing that sets me off. my life is so good, compared to 4 years ago, that it's almost silly to still think the way i do. i'm sabotaging my own life. i don't understand why i do it. i remember so well when everything seemed to make the most sense to me....i remember when i knew what i needed to do in order to be happy. i remember when it was all so fucking clear to me....but instead of embracing it fully as i should have, i spent all my energy on trying to make myself believe that my life was okay - i spent all my energy on deluding myself with alcohol and drugs...i just shut down. i gave up. and because of it, i still suffer from all those things that i could have dealt with way back when. now here i am, wanting to change, wanting to believe in life, and it's so hard for me because i have all that from the past that i've ignored for FOREVER still waiting to be dealt with. it's so fucking hard to get over things, and it doesn't need to be. all i need to do is look around and see all the good that is in my life. there's SHIT TONS of it. and for some reason, i still have to remind myself of it. it's sad.
how do you break the cycle of negativity that you've been in since...well, for as long as you can remember?

Mar. 5th, 2010

"coil my tongue around a bumble-bee mouth"

the days are getting longer. 15 days until the first day of spring!! you know, despite what all these people believe about "global warming" this past winter has been pretty standard as far as michigan is concerned. it reminded me of the winters we had as a kid. lots of snow, but right around the first and second week of january we would get a thaw, and then shitty, cold, snowy and windy up through february. then march comes and sloooowwly but surely, the snow begins to melt, the birds start coming back and maybe this year (I HOPE SINCERELY) it won't be completely shitty on my birthday. not that i've figured out what i'm going to do. i certainly don't intend on topping last year, when we went to chicago. of course, that's virtually impossible now with ryan working as much as he does. he's even tried to pick up a shift on his one day off during the week. i mean, i know he's gung-ho to be back at work, and i'm just as excited as he is that there's more money going around, but he's going to wear himself out! luckily, his boss won't let him pick it up because it would give him overtime. he needs at least one day to re-cooperate.
yesterday after i cashed my check, i went to my parent's house to pay my dad back the money he let me use to pay the credit card bill (i misread the due date and thought i had another week). anyway, my dad wasn't home but my mom was. she had gone to the doctor earlier because she's got a sinus infection. it's that special time of year, after all. so i sat and talked with her for a bit and headed home. well, guess what? sure as shit when i woke up this afternoon, i had allllll sorts of drainage issues. damn it. i could blame it on my mom, but i think it's just that the weather is changing and there's nothing i can do about it. luckily, i have some amoxicillin left over from the last one i had and i immediately took some. usually if i catch it early, i don't have to end up being sick for the next month. sinus infections kick my ass. actually, i was reading a while back about causes for sinus infections, and stumbled across a site that said that 4out of 5 people get a sinus infection within 24hrs of eating "fake" ice cream. this means stuff you would get from like Dairy Queen (soft serve) or, say....generic icecream sandwiches. i totally ate one of those delicious fucking things yesterday. (here's the link: http://www.zhealthinfo.com/icecream&sinusinfections.htm)
man, i can't wait to get out in my backyard and start planting some stuff. i really hope i can dedicate enough time this year to make my garden pretty.
time for exercise!

Mar. 4th, 2010

too busy rocking to fear factory to come up with a subject

this album is AWESOME.
my stomach/digestive system is all sorts of pissed off at me. i've had too much dairy the past few days :(
we think the pipes are backed up again. damn it. i want to do laundry and wash dishes and take a shower!! the damn cats pissed on my only other clean pants. of course, if i were about 10-15lbs lighter, i would have more clothes to wear. exercise takes time, though. feh.

yeah seriously, hard to focus on updating with this new fear factory album playing. if my house were clean and all my shit were in the same place, i might actually consider painting. something about the drums....it's always drums that get me going. i hear them pounding in my head. i feel them pounding goosebumps on my arm. man, i love this fucking band.

Fear Factory - Mechanize - Fear Campaign

Hate, war and terror, murder, disaster
Rape, drugs and violence, lost in our failure
Fear is suffering, intimidate to obey
Fear is control, suffering is hell
Police enforce obedient behavior
Manufactured weapon of conformity
Fears of war and pestilence
Fear of loss and failure
Fear the hate of your enemy
Fear your god and savior
Savior, failure
What do you fear?
It is the most strategic tool used to manipulate
Intimidation to make me weak in order to obey
Strategy to manipulate, paralyze, intimidate
Righteous greed suffocates, a powerful fear campaign
Mind killing, restricting
Fear is the enemy on my path
Fears of war and pestilence
Fear of loss and failure
Fear the hate of your enemy
Fear your god and savior
Savior, failure
What do you fear?
Fear is your god

oh, it's so good!!

Feb. 24th, 2010

that's where it is

i was just reading through some OLD entries (i'm talking 2003-2006) and it hit me. smacked me right in the damn face: i am SO happy that my life changed drastically from '06 to '10. there are some great memories, don't get me wrong. and i personally haven't changed too much from the person i was. however, so much good has happened to me. i'm so glad that now i'm in a situation where i KNOW i'm going to have a roof over my head tonight (unless the meth heads burn it down, then i get a shiny new home), i KNOW i'm going to have food to eat. i KNOW that the man i'm with actually cares about me. i am in a place in life that despite it's hardships (and they are fucking hard sometimes) i actually have security in some places, and i have finally found a place where i feel like i belong. i may not have a lot of friends, and i may miss out on some experiences, but w that pales in comparison to the experience i'm getting right now. i like that i don't party anymore. i LOVE that i finally found a man who lets me be myself and tries, actually tries, to help me when i'm not myself. i'm proud of myself, i've come a long way baby. there are always things that aren't so great, but the things that are even half way decent make those things seem so few and far between that it almost doesn't matter. you've gotta take the good with the bad they say, and i think i'm actually starting to be able to handle it. if nothing else, i am ABSOLUTELY more secure in who i am as a person and what i want from life. that's a life fucking lesson right there, and here i was thinking i was just going to meander through life making bad decisions and being unhappy for the rest of my life. (sorry if the spelling's all fucked up or whatever, but luna is sitting directly in the middle of the screen trying desperately to stay awake despite the warm glow it gives off)

life in general is pretty fucking hard. but i can say today that it's all worth it in the end when you finally see what comes of it.

Feb. 23rd, 2010


man, seriously, i need to make some changes in my life. i keep getting stuck in this sleep schedule of up until 7am, in bed until 3 or 4, and then when i do wake up i really don't want to get out of bed. then when i have to work i'm all sorts of tired. not to mention the fact that i have been eating soooo much sugary stuff. it is VERY normal for me (and most people, in my opinion) to gain winter weight. i can't go outside and play and ALL of the winter holidays are full of fatty food. this year, however, i seem to be particularly drawn to sugary stuff. for instance, last night i made rice krispies treats and ate a quarter of them, and this afternoon when i got up, i ate some for breakfast. and i'll be totally honest - when i go to the store to get groceries, i almost always get something sweet to munch on for the ride home. all day at work i eat candy. on top of that, i consume large quantities of pop. i have made it back up to 190, and that leaves me feeling pretty bad about myself.
now that i have all this free time with ryan working all week (this week he picked up a shift on wednesday, and he'll most likely continue to do that) i have a big opportunity. with all this free time, i NEED to start exercising. i spent a good deal of time last night searching for what kind of exercise is what i need. well, obviously i need to be doing aerobics in some form. i think i also want to do like one day of belly dancing a week, mostly because it looks fun and i already love the music, and because it will help in the weight loss/toning of certain muscles. the reason i haven't exercised up to this point is because i feel REALLY STUPID doing it, especially if i know someone is here who might watch. when i wanted to lose a couple of pounds for the wedding, i exercised in the shower (seriously) or waited until ryan went to bed and did it in the bedroom with the door closed. yeah, i know it sounds silly, but it's the same reason i don't dance - i look like an idiot. that of course all stems back to the self confidence. so, my conclusion is this: if i can exercise, i can lose weight, if i lose weight, i will increase my self confidence. easy enough, right?
by the way, i did manage to find an online belly dancing video tutorial. it's egyptian belly dancing, and from what i've watched so far, the instructor is great. she teaches you the steps and coordination, and after you watch the lesson, you scroll down for more information. she gives you the name of the artist and song that she dances to, a short biography and sometimes music video, and then there is a video of a belly dancer in a movie sort of thing below that, as well as a kind of history of that dancer. on the third lesson there is also a couple of warm up videos (cause y'know, if you're gonna exercise, you need to warm up first!) link: www.bellydaneboulevard.com i heart arabic music! part of the reason i want to do belly dance is just that - the music. another reason is i think it will help with my hips, because it will undoubtedly loosen those babies up. and also because i think that i could rock a belly dance.
yeah, i'm kind of excited about this. there's a distinct possibility that if i can do this exercise crap, i can lose some weight and build some muscle and attain some form of self confidence, and that would help me in LITERALLY nearly every single facet of my life.
wish me luck!

Feb. 19th, 2010

Writer's Block: It's me, not you

Have you ever broken off a relationship with a friend because it was unhealthy for your self-esteem? Were you proud of your decision or did you regret it?
wow, what a question. yes, i've done that. secretly more often than not - i just stopped contacting those people. i have mixed feelings about it. i have such a hard time making friends that losing just one can be a real big impact, but at the same time it was either keep talking to that person and suffer because of it, or stop all communications and move on. i absolutely think about that person from time to time, they were an important part of my life for a very long time. but, in the long run, it was better for me to lose that friendship. my self esteem suffers enough under my own influence, and i'm too old now to let anyone else but myself destroy what's left of it. sometimes you just "grow out of" people....but not like a parasitic twin, that's totally different.

Feb. 16th, 2010

never gonna catch me i'm the CRIMSON GHOST...

oh, happiest of happy days! i started my period 4 days early! YAY, I AM SO HAPPY.
i guess i will be if it's a normal cycle and i don't have to go through this breakthrough bleeding BS again. i'm sure it's just my body getting back at me for skipping my cycle in october. seriously though, there was NO FREAKING WAY i was going to be menstruating at my wedding or during the trip. i am way too bitchy and emotional and i would have been freaking about leaking the whole time (eww. sorry.)
moving on----
ugh. i slept until almost 4pm today. actually the only reason i got out of bed was because ryan's friend stopped by to pick some stuff up, and i had to put fucking pants on. meh.
so since i've had all this time to myself, i have gone head on into the first phase - dicking around on the internet. i have discovered the name of my hip problem, "Congenital Hip Dysplasia" and also discovered that this is something that can be resolved after birth. if it isn't, it continues to deteriorate until you need a hip replacement or bone re-shaping, depending on which problem you have. either my hip socket did not develop properly, causing the ball of the hip to grate against the cartilage, or my femur is mishapen, essentially causing the same thing. i've also found out that it's possible i suffer from cluster headaches. i will have to track my headaches to be sure about that, but all the info i read essentially described the pain i experience.
oh, and i accidentally clicked the "become a fan" of ted nugent for michigan governor in 2010. i just wanted to see the page, and went to click info to see if it was legit, when all of the sudden (as i routinely do from lack of using a mouse,) i clicked that fucking icon. no offense, nuge, but i don't think you'd be the right choice to be running michigan. you're a bit too conservative-republican for me. go for it tho, because i fucking hate granholm, and seeing you run for her spot in the government may cause her to explode. i would like that.
with all this free time, i've managed to keep up on dishes and laundry for the first time since i quit the taco and was unemployed for a few weeks. i've also composed list after list after list of heavy-duty cleaning opportunities. i'm unsure at this point how long it will take me to actually give in and complete those things. yes, i want them done. no, i do not have the ambition. right now though, i think i can blame it on the winter funk. that dirty winter funk that always gets me more down than usual. if i could just get like 9 straight hours of sunlight, i think i could probably completely clean from top to bottom and side to side. although for me it would be more of a clean a table off - scrub the toilet - run the washer - make the bed - smoke a cigarette - make a list - clean the cat litter sort of random fashion.
okay really though, i'm just bored because i won't get up and do shit, so now i think i'll do some shit.

Feb. 13th, 2010

zazzin' it up

why don't more people say 'zazz? it's funny.
okay, so ryan has this job now which means i have ALL SORTS of time to myself. it is lonely. he's been here with me for so long i just don't know what to do with myself. okay, i lied, i know exactly what i'll do. first i'll spend a few days or more dicking around on the internet. then, when i get bored with that, i'll start cleaning. then when there's nothing left to clean, i may just start....socializing. i don't know though, i do enjoy my time to myself, and i may just use the time to work on all these fucking arts and crafts i've half-ass started. i can also imagine my back yard will be minorly kick ass this summer.
it's sooooo weird not having him here, though. last night when he came home he seemed pretty satisfied with himself. he was in a LOT of pain, which is expected. it's been forever since he's had to work super hard like this, and his body's not used to it. once he gets into a routine and gets used to the work i'm sure that'll change. it's good to see him feel good about himself. working with rick has really destroyed his self confidence.
luckily, he has valentine's day off. this is our first valentine's as a married couple, and i am totally going all out. well, for me i am anyway. thanks to help from my sister (the master chef) i'm making him a crazy super awesome dinner. we're having garlic and rosemary marinated strip steak with red skin taters with mushrooms and rosemary and for dessert, i'm making homemade chocolate covered strawberries. and i'm gonna rock the dress he bought me in vegas. yeah, we're going to be home all day, but that is no reason for me not to put a $100 worth of dress to good use. i don't even know if he's getting me anything or doing anything for me, and to be perfectly honest, i kind of don't care if he doesn't. i just want to spend the whole day making him feel cherished. he does that for me ALL the time, and sure it's just a greeting card holiday but i am taking advantage of it. as long as he's here with me, that's all that matters. this is one of those days you get to go overboard for your significant other. yes, of course, you should show that person how much you love them every single day, but this "holiday" is one made for totally overdoing it.
okay, i gotta go get started with my prep for tomorrow. happy valentine's to everyone who celebrates it, and happy lupercalia to those who are single. break out the wolf skin and start whipping strangers!!

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